This isn’t a blog, it’s a gateway to the thoughts that haunt my mind.
4U Agency was invited to photograph Star Bar’s grand opening September 14th, 2023.
I’m already an awkward person as is, but when I have a camera strapped around me, I have a sudden influx of awkward jokes that spew out of my mouth to get people to laugh.
I caught someone’s eye, and they approached me asking if they knew me. I have one of those faces, it happens, never a big deal to be honest.
We continued talking, and I mentioned how I got started in the field, and the joke all creatives have: that if we have our kids saying they want to be creatives like us, we slap it out of them because we don’t want them to suffer like we have.
I brought up Faux Creative, and the goals I have in mind to spread awareness of the deteriorating mental health of creatives, and he praised the idea, and called me a beacon of hope.
I froze up, and didn't know how to react. Not because I wasn’t thankful - I was. It’s that I don’t feel I’m at that stage yet.
It doesn’t matter how clear my vision is, it’s not complete yet.
It’s not worthy of praise yet.
I felt happy that my vision was coming to life, that people were starting to notice the issue at hand, but at the same time, it felt like I was trying to monetize the suffering of other creatives.
Even though it’s not the intention, my thoughts were flooded with the different perspectives people may have when hearing the idea.
My beginnings were humble, but I’m not talented like everyone I want to interview. Part of the reason I learned about my personal branding of Faux Creative.
I’m a designer, but I’m not an illustrator.
I’m a photographer, but I’m not at the level of a documentor.
I’m a filmmaker, but I’m not a director.
I’m a web designer, but I’m not a web developer.
I am merely a shadow of what others are able to produce, and here I am - trying to start something thinking that I, out of all people, know what I’m talking about.
I still had two hours in that building, so my thoughts bounced around that phrase for the remaining time.
I still don’t know where I stand on it. Clearly I’m motivated enough to work on content for the website, and I’ve discussed with friends about creating a profit share system where most goes towards creatives and their choice of a non-profit for mental health, but there’s still that thought that what I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing; that there’s better people for the job that can achieve what I’m dreaming.
We’ll see what happens.
